The dance of the black pants and black shoes

So I need to spend my 30 minutes of work/quality adult time looking online for black ballet shoes/ aka "dancing" shoes. Why? Because couldn't find them in the dance store. Why? Because the guy who will dance in the black shoes is a boy. And the dance school world is not really designed so neatly for little boys who want to move like they're on "Dancing with the Stars."

So Nicky likes to dance and the dance began with finding a boy-friendly environment for my little guy...so that it would feel more welcoming. When you're the only guy who doesn't get to be part of the pretty pink club, it just sets you up as guy on the outs. Wait...OMG...speaking as Nicky's advocate, it actually was feeling marginalizing to be a boy. And Nicky, he needed a welcoming entry into his 3 year old dance class career. So we found Liz's class at Marrillyn Mcdowell, and she's AWESOME! She was my teacher when I used to do things "for me" about five years ago. She's young, creative, funny, but also has the dance discipline with some good levity. And she has a little girl who's almost 3.

Somehow managed to get Nicky to dance class. "Miss Liz, I'm a HARD dancer!" He took to her immediately. Which is good. Adjusting to new stuff is not Nicky's forte. And here goes Nicky being the "good listener" kid that poor Liz kept referring to as she pulled little boys off of the dance bar time and time again. Did I say boys? YES!! It's a boy class! Didn't mean to be, but that's how it's shaping up. So our deal is to try one class and then he can say if he wants to return. He liked it, so this ushered in the dance pants deal.

The big excitement today was going to get black dance pants and shoes after school. Yay!! Nicky's chomping on cheerios and chattering about pants and shoes. We went to the dance store and there weren't any shoes...so we moved on to pants. While the woman was pulling out a stack of girls' jazz pants for him to try on, Nicky pulled out the cutest rainbow leotard with metallic trim around the shoulders. Really cute--not too girly but had some style. Wait, I said not too girly, but clearly a girl item. My heart leaped. Who knew the dance of gender identity could be so trepadacious? And, let's be honest, HOW FUN IS IT REALLY TO BUY BLACK DANCE PANTS AND BLACK DANCE SHOES FOR A THREE YEAR OLD ON YOUR BIG SHOPPING TRIP? I mean, aren't rainbows more fun? We ended up walking out with Nicky wearing his dance pants and carrying a shiny blue magic wand ($3.00) which Nicky was using as a magic pirate stick, holding it with the big wand part in his palm.

So I was feeling really split in my postgame analysis. Should I have let him try on the rainbow leotard? I never gave the chance to even assess if he really wanted it or was just checking it out before the next shiny thing in his path. And what would an expensive leotard purchase have meant? Hidden at the bottom of the dressup box? Can we say, fetish training? Or maybe boldly letting him wear it wherever and whenever. "Oh, Nicky loves his rainbow leotard SO MUCH that he even sleeps in it!" No, Moses would have no rainbow leotard wearing, even if he is supporting the dance classes. But I thought about all this, maybe more. And then I said, "Wow, that has great colors..." and moved on to the pants rack.

I also thought about it at Payless, when Nicky held up a pink ballet shoe (they, too didn't have his size in black) and asked for that color.

"Miss Liz says your dance uniform is black pants and black shoes."

"Why?"

"To look really cool and dancy. Come on, let's go find your shoes."

For me, I guess I'm conscious that if I want to help Nicky explore the politics of spitting, sneezing, wearing rainbow spandex, pony tails, and pretty being a girls' domain, I have to take a deep breath and swim with him. I am totally aware, though, that my lack of endorsing the leotard and pink tights for him was one more lesson for Nicky about the confines of being a boy. If only his mother was so brave? Idunno...I just know that I have 7 more minutes to find black shoes online.

Nicky's first post

Nicky sez, "Write E-L."

OK. Done. Anything else?

"No."

Well. This is going to be a pretty exciting blog, I can tell.